Wednesday, October 31, 2007

post 391. [stomping feet.] iwantitiwantitiwantit.

i'm not all that crazy about star trek. when i was a kid, sure. i had scotty's guide to the enterprise. i can give you some of the more obscure deets on the stuff. but as i've gotten older i've grown out of it. and star wars? i ditched when jar-jar walked onto the screen. and i'm not one for lord of the rings, or all those video game movies. i got out of comic books when i found rock n roll, and i don't collect baseball cards.

but the one unalterable constant obsession in my life is a devotion - since first seeing it in the late nineties - to david lynch's twin peaks. i'm a dork of the highest magnitude. i'm just itching for the opportunity to see the log lady at the annual convention up in washington state, and even now, at this very moment, i'm watching fire walk with me - quite possibly the worst movie of all time to you (and in truth to honest to god fans of the series), but one that makes me think, "hmm. so phillip jefferies actually attended a meeting above the convenience store? and if that kid is giving the order to 'fell a victim' then bob has a boss, and that's scary." - on cinemax's "outer max" channel.

i squealed - perhaps "squeal" isn't the word so much as "yelped," but whatever it was i found my voice experiencing a formerly unknown register - for a price check from the guy working the f.y.e. when i saw this behind the counter the other day in astoria. this gold box edition has everything anybody would ever need, leading me to make such revealing statements as "finally! the american version of the pilot" and "hopefully, when i get this, there will be a way to skip any scene in the second season that deals with james fucking hurley."

now life is complete.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

post 389. on the roof, in the kitchen.

post 388. then, twelve people walked in dressed as the cast of arrested development.

b to the e hosted a costume party out in hip williamsburg, where there were many ghouls, but even more awesome dresser-uppers. and, yes, like i just said, somewhere around 10:30, 11:00 pm twelve people showed up dressed as the cast of arrested development. the guy who played buster bore a chilling resemblance, and george-michael was especially well-versed in talking just like george-michael. as he left, he told me in that nervous, wobbly voice, "i might use you as a reference for my college application." good times.

leah is the famous twenties actress louise brooks.

these two brothers decided to come as...well...isn't it obvious?

parz, having returned from performing a show out in long island, looks on as people rummage through his apartment, occasionally shouting, "go bills!"

this gentleman had my second favorite costume of the night: tom hanks' character in cast away.

this, however, took the cake: chris is h.i. mcdunnough, from raising arizona. brilliant.

having no money in my first week of new york city living, i wasn's about to go out and create my dream guise as billy argo of the boy detective fails. so, after hearing b to the e on the phone saying, quite clearly, that "it's a costume party," i was planning on going to the party with a fake moustache.

but then, a stroke of genius. are you, like myself, tall and have a suit, and need a quick costume? well, create an awkward moment between you and your new roommate by asking him if you can borrow his girlfriend's red nail polish, get a toothpick, and draw a light scar on your left eye. then pomade or hair spray or gel or molding paste your hair down, but give a decisive curl that hangs over your right eye. put on your suit, and boom - james bond, the book version. no tux. just a suit. tell people you work for universal exports. look at me: don't i have cruel eyes? don't i look less like roger fucking moore and more like hoagy carmichael?

hmph. no wonder one of the krewe of arrested development asked, "are you the mayor of san francisco?"

Thursday, October 25, 2007

post 387. leave it alone.

post 386. walking the 59th street bridge, and dinner with jessica.

post 385. auditioning.

no one wants to look like a chump, right? which is why i've decided to give you the skinny on auditioning at the equity center. located in downtown manhattan, this place can be a little intimidating to the uninitiated. so. here's what you're going to do to audition in hopes of seeing your name in lights.

1) find out what you're auditioning for - preferably a show you can do; for example, if the casting call is for twenty-somethings, and you happen to be, i dunno, 33 and always told you look young, you're golden. learn a monologue.

2) on the day of the audition, wake up at the dumbest hour you can think of - the equity place is open early, and you want to be there early to sign up for an audition time. lolly gag and you'll either have to become an alternate (because all the audition times are spoken for) or miss it altogether.

3) arrive at the equity center after still taking a few wrong n/s turns on broadway upon emerging from the subway - sign in with security.

4) when entering the big-assed room, show the lady at the door your equity card - it's like belonging to a gentlemen's club, but know. women. and no smoking allowed. and no fireplace.

5) find the table that has the sign-up for the show you're auditioning for - for the pluckier of you out there, that might be two or three different shows; ask for a time. (go big or go home: ask, "first available time, please.") you'll be with a group of people; for example, you might be with the "10:15"s. take the card they give you and fill it out. you'll be asked for this later, along with your headshot.

6) if you've got more than an hour, go grab yourself a coffee.

7) come back, re-sign in with security, re-show the lady at the door your audition card, and sit. (no drinks allowed, so make sure you've finished your coffee first.)

8) wait for your time to be called. (they'll call your name, too.)

9) line up with about five to ten other actors and actresses outside the room you're auditioning in.

10) stop sweating.

11) relax. if you're one of those people who need to center your chi, or pull inspiration for your monologue from some wellspring of acting ability deep down in your heart, now's the time.

12) when the line moves up, move up with it.

13) stop. sweating.

14) stop that nervous foot-tap.

15) get in that room and do your monologue.

16) exit the building and find a jamba juice. you've deserved it.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

post 382. at great escape.

jack, mike and i finally used the free tickets to six flags great escape that we got with signing our summer contracts. good times were had by all; and while it was post-labor day and we found more rides closed than open, the comet - a roller coaster that's been in two other places before here in warren county - proved to be one of the best roller coasters i've been on; it makes coney island's feel like a fall in the pillow factory.

here is the first pinnacle of the comet, and we took two rides on before hearing the next line roll up the hill and then suddenly stop. then, over the microphone, we hear the people working the ride announce that they'll have to call maintenance. have fun up there, kids!

you have no idea what i had to go through to get this shitty copy of six flags' picture of us on the comet. jack has his usual angry face; mike is holding on quite steadfastly; and i'm the idjit in the back.

one summer, two batmobiles. 'nuff said.

nothing like a cone from martha's after a long afternoon of amusement parking.