crashing off the side of the road i found myself in a car that was drowning. i tried to get out but everything was stuck: the doors, the windows, the trunk. typical for the kind of cars i drive. i once bought a used car and found myself wondering where the steering wheel was for a week. it sat in my driveway and i would walk out each morning and find everything else on the car – catalytic converter, doors, cigarette lighter (as if i needed one of those) but no steering wheel. one time i bought a car that had no “park.” i couldn’t park it on a hill or any incline at all, for that matter, because it had no “park.” and another time still i had a car that had a fuel leak and kept giving me headaches. it was a nightmare. i thought about all those old cars as i sat in this one, sinking in lake poncho, a car that seemed like it was driven through glue. i couldn’t get out, and the water was seeping in through the cracks. thinking quickly, i used the emergency brake to stop myself from sinking. all right, it wasn’t the brightest choice, but i was suddenly under a lot of stress. i turned on the radio and realized that would be my savior. i broke the face of the radio and pulled out the wires. hell, it was one of those spock-things or scotty-things that they’d whip out whenever the enterprise was in trouble. so if it worked on television, then in must work for me, right? i switched the wires so i could transmit rather than receive. hello, hello, mayday mayday I called…but nothing. water seeped in through the cracks. mayday, mayday, i said, and suddenly someone on the other end picked up – an old woman said hello? yes, hello, i’m stuck in a drowning car, i shouted, as my legs got cold from my pants that were getting wetter and wetter. yes, this is mildred, how can i help you? look, lady, where are you, i asked. she replied by telling me she was in the den ready to eat some cucumber sandwiches. i told her i was in lake poncho and she said that was where she and her husband first met. i told her i needed help and time was of the essence and she told me she’d be right over. well, my chest was the new water level when i saw this beat-up old truck spit itself down the road and pretty soon, the old lady, bent and withered, stepped out as if she’d fall at any moment. her dog leaped out of the bed of the truck and tore down to the water front and started barking at me. the old lady waved and i couldn’t help but wave back in a sort of socially responsible thing to do. it was a stupid thing to do, her smiling and me trying to just be sociable. i had no idea if she understood the gravity of the situation. she went all the way back to the truck – a painful thing to watch, given the amount of time it took her to do so – and she grabbed some rope from the bed. she then had junior (the dog) swim out to me and i’ll be damned if that dog didn’t tie a perfect windsor knot around my back bumper, sticking like the end of the titanic out of the water. then the dog swam back to shore and the old lady was tying the other end to the bumper. the dog got there just in time to put his paw on it so she could finish her big bow knot. i wasn’t very secure in my faith that this would work. she got back into the truck – slowly, so very very slowly – and started the old thing up. this is where I met my husband, she said, as I stood outside my car on the shore, dripping wet and shivering. here. i brought some cucumber sandwiches. junior leaped from the back of the truck with a picnic basket in his mouth. she pulled out a big thermos. you must be cold; here’s some hot chocolate for you. the three of us sat and ate for the afternoon. the sun came out and it became quite pleasant. i like your truck, i said. i’m getting too old to drive it, she said, would you like it?
